one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
