Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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