Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
