Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
