so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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