she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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