VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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