The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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