I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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