Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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