so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
