i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
40s are totally the cure
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
