if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
