I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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