He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
