i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
