got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
