just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You smell like stripper and shame
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
