They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
