the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
