3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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