why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
