someone threw a dead crab at me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I wear drunk well.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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