Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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