How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
