I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
