This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
