the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
