he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
