apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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