My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
