Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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