In the future we'll all be gay
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
