She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
