we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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