A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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