Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
