She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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