Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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