Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
