If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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