i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sext me about skeletons
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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