Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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