I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
