He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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