I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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