wrigley field is MILF paradise
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
