I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
