So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
