Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I love you. Go after that dick
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
