Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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