like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
