3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
