I didn't shave. On purpose
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
