Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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