Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
