I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
